He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
