I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
