Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
