We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
