Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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