I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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