Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
