...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
