Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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