Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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