Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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