My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
