I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
