Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
