Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
