dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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