"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
