Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
