Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You smell like stripper and shame
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
