Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
