where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
