I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
