It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
