I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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