I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
