I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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