found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize