So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
