He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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