Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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