You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
