she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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