There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Im part way to drunk.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
