remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
