Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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