I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
