I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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