If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
