you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nicole vs. Life
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
