guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
