I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
