Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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