Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
