i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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