this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
