You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
