ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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