Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
