Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
