I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
