I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
