This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
