If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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