White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
