apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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