I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
