Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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