Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize