Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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