If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
