You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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