I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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