**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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