My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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