White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
