If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
