I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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