I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
