the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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