Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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