I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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