i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
