It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
