You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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