The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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