No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
