your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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